I Don't Do Too Much Rambling These Days

I'm back from Colorado. Sarah is moving to Tajikistan. I don't even know if that's how you spell that.

There's such a sad letdown after a good vacation. I think this particular kind of vacation causes it the worst of all. So much beauty that "beauty" doesn't properly describe it. So much peace, hanging in the air, drawing hummingbirds, and rain. Waking up because the sun is shining in; falling asleep because it's dark and starry. Using all your muscles to walk and walk and walk, and your eyes to see, your lungs to breathe that perfect mountain air. It makes your thoughts rest, makes you feel young, even if you are young already. Even if you've been old since the day you were born. Flowers blooming at 14,000 feet. Fear, and accomplishment, success, and no competition all at once. Being with family, everything utterly familiar, requiring no adjustment or falsehood, no makeup, no cute shoes. Just warmth in the cold.

I try to stop thinking that I wish I could stay forever. People say it wouldn't be as special if it were routine. But I don't know. I don't want to start over with someone new. I want to be with someone I know, who knows me and loves me, wants my very best, someone I would risk my life for to make sure they didn't fall off the edge of the trail. Someone who laughs at me and hurts my feelings and then everything's okay without being fake. I just don't even know how to find that. Go home? Go somewhere new? Stay here? Go as far away as Tajikistan? Maybe there's familiarity there.

Song of the day: "These Days" by Jackson Brown